Monday, April 28, 2008


I have this image in my head
This really perky girl
She is always smiling
"Yeah, I am good with anything"
She is patient and always answers even the most stupid questions
"I think if it's red you should not park there"
She always has a positive attitude
"But, hey, on the bright side..."
She doesn't mind if people misinterpret facts
"Well, that's not what I said, but I see why she would say that..."
She doesn't mind if everyone is late, or if they never come
"Oh, no worries, I know you guys are busy..."
She never speaks ill of anyone
"Well, you have to try to put yourself in her shoes..."

So I try to be that way.

But sometimes it's really fucking hard.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


I could hear my dad's excitement over the phone.
A pig in his farm gave birth to 8 piglets. Even neighbors came to see them.
Dad said they were really cute.
He said he was just looking at them run around.
And he thought of me.

My mom collects everything pig. Stuffed animals, pictures...
She says they remind her of me.

I like pigs because they are the cleanest animals in the wild. And yet people think they are dirty, just because the ways we humans chose to keep them in captivity. But the pigs don't care though. They rather be clean, but if dirt is what they have they will live with that.
They are a symbol of making it work with what you got.
They are a symbol of a hardcoreness that I admire.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


I did the math.
If I bought a pack of cigarettes a day for 11 years - considering I've been smoking since I was 15 - paying 3 dollars for each pack (I averaged this: 2.50$ in Japan then 4$ for a pack of cheap Iranian cigs after I came here).
I have spend 11.000,00 US$ (ELEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS)in cigarettes.
Some might look at this and say that is enough money to buy a used car, or half a down payment for a small condo, almost a year tuition at UC Berkeley or some other shit we need. But I think:
Money well spent.
The countless breaks from boring conversations.
The sure excuse to go outside and be by myself at those horrible parties.
I got to go outside when it was hot.
I got to go outside just because I didn't want to be at Gravity anymore.
Something to do with my hands when all I wanted was to strangle those people.
The nicotine rush after a test.
The taste of cigarettes and coffee in the morning.
The excuse to take a walk, and talk myself out walking away from the office.
Inhaling after orgasms.

I know. I am melodramatic. But I really miss it, you know?

Even though it was killing me and all...

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Or maybe Rolling Stones

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

That is the song that came to my mind when she told me she was finally happy.
I know the words don't make sense but I think she was always happy she just didn't know.

I have this thing that I had a song for everyone I know. Now she has hers.

Monday, April 7, 2008

God Made the Pretty Girls Pretty Because He Loved Them More

Weekend quotes

Friends have been talking about people that are
Can one be too honest or too happy?
no, I am really really asking...

Friday, April 4, 2008


You are a slut!

Is what I would say to the protagonist of an email i got from a friend. Read, if you must:
Dear Friends, once upon a time there was this girl who had
> four boyfriends.
> She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and
> adorned him with rich robes and treated him
> to the finest of delicacies. She gave him
> nothing but the best.
> She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much
> and was always showing him off to
> neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared
> that one day he would leave her for another.
> She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her
> confidant and was always kind, considerate
> and patient with her. Whenever this girl
> faced a problem, she could confide in him,
> and he would help her get through the
> difficult times.
> The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal
> partner and had made great contributions in
> maintaining her wealth and kingdom.
> However, she did not love the first boyfriend.
> Although he loved her deeply, she hardly
> took notice of him.
> One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her
> time was short. She thought of her luxurious
> life and wondered, I now have four
> boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all
> alone.'
> Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, I loved
> you the most, endowed you with the finest
> clothing and showered great care over you.
> Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and
> keep me company?'
> 'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he
> walked away without another word.
> His answer cut like a sharp knife right into
> her heart.
> The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I
> loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will
> you follow me and keep me company?'
> 'No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too
> good! When you die, I'm going to marry
> someone else!'
> Her heart sank and turned cold.
> She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have
> always turned to you for help and you've
> always been there for me.
> When I die, will you follow me and keep me
> company?'
> 'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!',
> replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most,
> I can only walk with you to your grave.'
> His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning,
> and the girl was devastated.
> Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll
> follow you no matter where you go.'
> The girl looked up, and there was her first
> boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered
> from malnutrition and neglect.
> Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have
> taken much better care of you when I had the
> chance!'
> In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:
> Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter
> how much time and effort you lavish in
> making it look good, it will leave you when
> you die.
> Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions,
> status and wealth. When you die, it will all go
> to others.
> Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and
> friends. No matter how much they have been
> there for you, the furthest they can stay by
> you is up to the grave.
> And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often
> neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and
> pleasures of the world. However, your Soul
> is the only thing that will follow you where
> ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and
> cherish it now, for it is the only part of you
> that will follow you throughout Eternity.

You thought this was cute and kinda deep didn't you?
I thought so too, for a brief moment until my inner grinch took over.
- 4 Boyfriends = She is a SLUT
- "Will you die with me?"- Who asks that? = Sellfish SLUT
- You body will leave you when you die? - The body is what is going to take you to the grave!

Dude seriously, just ignore me.